She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You need a sexual gate keeper
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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