I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
