I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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