New low: just hacked my moms facebook
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
True college students do jello shots in the library
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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