I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
