Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
