I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
