He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
