if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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