Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
