Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
