At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
