Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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