White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
