I just saw a hot homeless man
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
