Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
