The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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