Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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