Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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