some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
