oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
