his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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