So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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