She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
