And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
