Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
