Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
