he thought i was a dude.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
