That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
