I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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