I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
