singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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