this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
