Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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