Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
