the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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