Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
