apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
