Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
