I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
