I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
