I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
