the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
