I wanna bring you to show and tell
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
