I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
