He asked me if I "almost moaned"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
