I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
