I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
