he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
