Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
