Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
