A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
