Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
