Whod you bang
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
