at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
