That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
